News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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