Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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