I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
