I think my vagina is haunted
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
