Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
