I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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