I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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