I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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