Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
MIDGETS
????
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
