I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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