We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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