so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The best revenge is premature balding
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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