First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
