I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize