i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm like, not good at living.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
