One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
