Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
