The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
