She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
