I wish you could order shots online.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
