I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
