If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Only a mothe r could love this liver
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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