when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
