i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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