The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
