took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We don't watch enough power rangers
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize