who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
