I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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