After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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