i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
