Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
