also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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