Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
