Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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