So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
