margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
