well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
