you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
