So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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