So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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