do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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