this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
