goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
