the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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