you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize