Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
