Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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