I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You can't just leave with hair like that
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
