i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
