Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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