You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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