Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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