I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
