Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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