its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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