You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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