Well apparently he's into motor boating.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
