Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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