She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
