i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
