is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize