rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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