Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
