I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
