Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I am midnight drunk by noon
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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