I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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