I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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