Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i think i have two assholes
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Randomize
