I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
