Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
