my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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