She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
