Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
